Why not?

I highly doubt anyone is checking this blog anymore as I am no longer in China and therefore no longer living a life that merits writing or reading about. Anyway, I've got a few months to kill and I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions as to where I should go that might make my day to day existence worth hearing about again. Any ideas?

On Our Way

Man did we walk into the wrong bar last night. We were walking around the bar district and stumbled into this little hole in the wall place with 2 guys from Holland (the Dutch are fun). Anyway, gotta go, ouyr driver's here, but lets just say we had to pick girls out of a line-up and pay to leave. Scary. Ok, we're on our way home family and friends, see you soon!

The Wall

Today we hiked the Great Wall. We woke up at 5:30 (which after Shaolin was really no prob) and were ready to jump in the rickety tin-can hostel tour van by 6:30. Honestly I wasn't super excited on the way there; going to the Great Wall is just something you have to do when you're in China, I felt more or less obligated. I'd seen the pictures, it's a big wall, big deal.
I take it all back. The Wall was one of the most incredible things I've ever seen in my life. It's not just how long it goes for, or how old it is, or how it runs precariously along the ridge of a giant mountain range - it's the size of the wall itself in the desolate countryside. I mean this thing was built like half a millenium ago (I think) and the walls are 100ft high in places and many of the stones are bigger than me. Needless to say it's pretty awe inspiring and we were very excited once there.
Right away Beau and I got picked out by two "Mongolian Farmers" turned tourguides/skeezy swindlers (our actual tour guide accomplished the impressive feat of losing all 10 poeple in the group she was supposed to be guiding). After hiking up and down between about 10 towers they suggested we take a shortcut they knew to the wire bridge. Being the intreped fools we are we quickly agreed and found ourselves walking down the mountain on a goat trail away from the wall. Real smart. This is when normal people's common sense kicks in they go back to the group. Obviously no such luck for the two of us. We followed these two psuedo-farmers deeper into the Chinese countryside until the wall was completely out of sight and we were walking through small villages with stone huts and donkeys. Once we were fully disoriented and competely incapable of finding our way back to the wall or civilization the two supposed guides turned to us and stated very matter-o-factly: "You buy souvenir now or we go home." Ha! And we thought we had gotten too smart to be duped into shelling out cash for stuff we didn't want! Well, obviously having no choice we agreed to buy something off the old billygoats so that they'd lead us back to the wall. Two lucky people back in the States will be getting Great Wall picture books as heartfelt presents from us.
Still, as in the case of the 300 dollar tea party, the experience far outweighed getting tricked out of a few bucks. Still, I can see why the Chinese built that wall to keep those damned Mongolian farmers in their own country. Dirty crooks.
Back in Beijing again we walked around and decided to go swing by the fresh air market we've been avoiding since we got here. Beau was super stoked on the exotic food they had there. Here he is trying to convince a Canadian lady that the scorpion is delicious. Really.
We've got a couple good videos recently - I'm going to try'n upload them but I'm not sure if it's gonna work. If it does, check 'em out! If not check back because I'm bound to get it eventually...

Last Day in Shaolin, Back to Beijing

This is the oldest pagoda in the Shaolin cemetary (for lack of a better word). It was built in the 700's and hundreds of thousands of people attended the funeral of the first (I think?) abbot.
It was hard to leave Shaolin Temple. They offered me a monk-ship on account of my ridding them of the curse of the banshee and restoring peace to the land. I told them sadly that all good things must come to an end, and there are people back home who need me even more than they do. Beau was even harder to get to leave- I actually got rid of the banshee by hooking him up with her. He said it was true love.
Really though the last day at Shaolin was awesome. We got the day off from training and Ming (the happiest monk in the world pictured in the chairlift next to the most disgruntled lift-worker in the world) showed us around. Turns out me and Beau are heavier than most Chinese, even with my twig-like physique, and we crashed through the foliage the chairlift is intended to gently glide over on the way to the top of the mountain. The views from Songyang peak were incredible, but unfortunately it was too foggy for any of the pics to really came out.
Later in the day we got the honor of eating lunch with the monks. We both agreed it was the best meal we've had since we got to China. Also the chanting and ceremony of the whole thing was unreal; just so communal and seemed almost utopian. The hospitality of the monks - Jay, Ming, the Head Master and everyone - has been incredible. They really did make us feel welcome and at home when we were actually as far from our homes as it's possible to get.
Now we're back in Beijing in the luxurious Peking International Hostel, drinking beer and eating pizza. It's not that we didn't learn anything from the monks, and it's not that we don't care, it's just that pizza and beer are delicious. Especially after a week of "Masterfully Mixes the Mountain Herbs" and "The Eggplant Cooks the Pheonix Foot."
It is amazing the little things you appreciate once you've been deprived of them for awhile. I had the best shower of my life when I got here, hot with good pressure and a geisha to get at those hard to reach back areas (obviously just kidding, geishas are Japanese, she was just a hooker) ((still obviously kidding, sorry Cory, I think I have tourettes of the fingers)).
Tomorrow we go to the Great Wall. When we asked how to get there the employees at Peking said just follow the yellow-spit road. Seriously there's more phlem on the sidewalk here than at a '50s baseball game. We should get some cool pictures tomorrow though, and we're still having a blast.

Shaolin - 6th Night

These are probably the three coolest guys you could ever meet. From the Left: Master Ming, Head-Master, and Master Jay. For the final session tonight the three of them came to Beau's room (which in itself is a great honor) and taught us how to harvest our che, which might be the first legal thing I've ever harvested. Turns out this hasn't been about beating people up (mostly them beating us up) at all. Shaolin kung-fu is a discipline of the mind and spirit even more-so than the body. They showed up breathing techniques and movements to do in the morning to harness one's che to have more energy and better health throughout the day. It was pretty far out. Kinda hard to clear your mind of all thought with those three standing right next to you listening to you breath though.
Tomorrow we're going up the mountain in the gondola (my little mishap managed to get us out of running up there, silver lining don'cha know) and then having lunch with the monks in the temple where Jay has told us we're not to speak. Probably a wise move on his part.
Lots of pics tomorrow.

Shaolin Day 5/6

Remember when your parents used to tell you to finish your food cause there were starving kids in China? Well, it's true, and we are those kids. I'm gonna use whatever kung-fu I learn here to mug the first person I see in America with pizza or a cheeseburger. We've been doing the same old, training with the monks, up before dark, the usual. Beau's actually off training with the head-master at the moment, I on the other hand, can't walk one my left leg thanks to Ming's ruthless stretch routine combined with the carelessness of a cleaning lady and my own clumsiness (long, humiliating story). I'll have more to put on here later in the day - gonna try to take the camera into the afternoon session if Jay will let us (we haven't been able to yet). I don't know what this headmaster guy looks like, but I'm betting he's a big dude with a face you could split wood with.
Here's me getting ready to take out a coat rack and a cool bird that's really common here. Anyone know what it's called?

Shaolin - Day 4

Ah, the clandestine life of a monk. ...I wasn't going anywhere with that. I just like to use big words with simple meanings. Makes me feel smart.
Jay and Ming have really been kickin' the crap out of us, making good use of their limited time. We told Jay we'd been running to get ready for this for the past few months (which I guess Beau really has, I was totally lying) and he just smiled and shook his head and said "Running is just for getting warm." And it's scary because he fully believes that, which is probably why he doesn't understand why we look like Night of the Living Dead after he has us run up the side of the mountain before actually getting into anything hard.
We had a pretty cool session the other day in which Jay blindfolded us and had us attack sounds he made around the room. I'm sure we looked like complete jackasses kicking and punching wildly in different directions (not to mention getting smacked with a stick/board when we were too slow) but it was pretty cool all the same. Beau messed up one time too many and had to eat his rice at the kiddie table. He was pissed.
Speaking of looking like jackasses we're on our way to becoming the most photographed people in China. I can't decide if it's because they think we look weird, or out of place, or weird and out of place...the fact that we're two white people (giving Beau the benefit of the doubt) covered in sweat walking out of the Shaolin Temple could have something to do with it too. Of course it could just be that we're studs. That's what I'm going with.
Ok, that's it for today, but a parting word of advice: Never order vermicelli noodles in China. I don't know what they gave me but it was neither noodles nor was it edible. Looked like pressure treated mucus and had the consitancy of a waterlogged baseball glove. Goodnight.